August 2nd

Happy Drizzle Day

Last night Dodo dreamt of the perfect day, mud and drizzle followed by lots of sleeping and eating with plenty of snacks in between, (to give him energy to eat and sleep!).With a longing sigh Dodo got up and wandered off into the rain looking for something to eat and thinking about where to sleep next so he could get back to his dream!

Today is dedicated to St Axel who is also the patron of fast food and all greased items.The Fundamentalist church of No recently barred St Axel for excessive lubrication.

June 16th

Smell of Me Day

Today Dodo finished digging/eating his way out of Dead Tramp (the way in had caved in/flopped in!) and enjoy the smell of freedom…which smelt a lot like a rat that had been buried in a dead body for three days (and moved around a lot while he was!) and had probably done it before!

Just how Dodo liked it.

A bit confused as to why he had been in the tramp in the first place he wandered off home, chewing on an old bit of appendix (not his!) trying to remember why he would look for a sardine in a dead tramp!

Today is dedicated to St Fishfinger, who was also the patron of inappropriately placed fish (frozen or otherwise) and of unwanted lingering smells.

may 21st

Extra Fingers Day,

Still full from yesterdays tramp, Dodo only managed a couple of meals today  and decided to keep some for later so he used his nose to keep a couple of fingers.Actually Dodo had stuffed his nose with the fingers yesterday and still couldn’t get them out, though after a while he has sort of got used to it as it gives him a bit more grip when he wants to move forward ( and the smell of food as an added incentive)

The only real downside so far is when he sneezes, the pressure makes one of his eyes pop out and he has to get one of the others to give him a hand putting it back in.He also has to put up with funny looks from everyone else (he had already forgotten the funny looks he got normally!)

Today id dedicated to St Sink who is also the patron of unwanted blockages, bulges and protrusions, and the compulsion to keep eating even after you know you are full and wil probably feel ill if you keep going!

May 7th

Dirty Dog End Day

Dodo once found the end of a dog, it was a bit dirty but he wasn’t a fussy eater and enjoyed it anyway!

The others were horrified by his behaviour, he wasn’t really one for sharing and his table manners were entirely lacking, partly due to the absence of any table (both the tables and little ramekin rat went missing with the PIper!) and that manners are a bit redundant when your busy with a dead dogs bits!

Dodo did try to make up later and offer them some of the stringy bits still stuck in his teeth!

Today is dedicated to the first bishop of Hamlyn, the late (couldn’t tell the time!) Silas Rump who was known for his interest in all of the Gods creatures… and the best sauces to go with them.he is also the patron of dirty menus, worn cutlery and generic sticky sauces.

May 5th

Waste of a Day

No Pain no Gain.

Thats what ‘They’ say, But Dodo and pretty much everyone he knows thinks ‘They’ tend to lie a bit.Dodo’s mother went though an awful lot of pain (from conception to birth!) to give us Dodo..lots of pain and clearly very little gain!

Dodo has tried chasing food several times, he finds it very painful, and its even painful to watch, and all for very little gain, just one fat and steaming out of breath rat!

Dead Vole would also like to point out he now has no pain after being sat on and crushed to death by Dodo, he has received no gain (though Dodo’s ‘friendship’ could be described as a pain!) but he cannot as he is still dead, which is a pain!

Today is dedicated to St Nettle. She is also the patron of Pins and needles, paper cuts and the pain you get after eating too much potato!

The Rats of Hamlyn.An Unwritten History.(Excerpt)

The sad Tale of Paperclip the Rat.

Paperclip was a rat ahead of his time, actually he wasn’t so much ahead as he had actually taken a different route altogether and used someone else’s time!

Paperclip was a rat of culture who had a vision for rats at the top of the food chain.His plan for world domination was to be announced at a massed rally for all the rats in Hamlyn. Paperclip selected the venue, put up the bunting and sent out the word, carefully wording the message so it only mentioned free food and easy friends, knowing ‘cunning plan’, ‘manifest Destiny’ and ‘living space’ would have scared off or just confused most of the rats!

The rats came, never wanting to miss out on free food or other rats, unfortunately Paperclip’s timing was very very wrong and he had picked the same night as the Pied Piper. Just before he was about to start his speech (‘My struggle and other animals’) the Pied Piper played and with so many of the rats already in one place they never stood a chance (or even crawled one!)

The fate of Paperclip is unknown and his dreams unrealised. The rest is history and Dodo.

May 2nd

Paperclip Day

Dodo tries to take a moment to remember a message he got from Paperclip.

He has yet to remember but he is not too worried, it probably wasn’t important and he couldn’t remember anyone else mentioning it or Paperclip!

Today is dedicated to St Typical, he is also the patron of small print and hidden clauses, disgruntled customers and battered solicitors.

April 27th

Losing Poo Day

After abandoning their short lived creative venture (Unreal ArtHouse?!) the others wandered off to recover and Dead Vole stayed dead but a bit lighter. Dodo was left to clean up, which he was quite happy to do as all his clenching and whittling had given him quite an appetite…

This day is dedicated to St Carrot, she is also the patron of bad breath, bad dining habits and unwanted stuff trapped in your teeth.

April 24th

White Wiggle Day

On this day Dodo likes to check on his parasites, especially his pet tape worm, White Wiggle.

Every year White Wiggle gets a bit bigger, sometimes he ends up falling out of Dodo’s bottom giving him a second white tail!

Dodo quite likes having him around (usually around his gut!), he always has someone to talk to (captive audience!) and another excuse to eat more as he is eating for (at least) two!

Today is dedicated to St Bernard, Abbess of the Cloistered Sisters of Ingratitude, She is also the patron of Unwanted in-laws and grown-up children still living at home.

April 21st

Drowned beetle Soup

Dodo once managed to convince several insects and beetles that he could teach them to swim.One by one they lined up by the small pool of water he had found for them, and one by one he whispered in their ears (legs, antenne or in the case of one elderly beetle,his hearing grub!) and pushed them in.They all drowned and Dodo enjoyed a freshly made soup.

Dodo might just have made this up to look good, firstly, he has no head for plots, even one way thoughts leave him hot and in need of a sit down. Secoondly, Insects are not that trusting (especially not of Dodo!), have no desire to swim and although many of them were actually born yesterday they can usually see Dodo coming a mile off (in every sense!)

Today is dedicated to St Heron, she is also the patron of tall stories, Powdered water, Long stands and wooden legs (with real feet!)